Well, it's been a rough go lately. I am totaly off track, and I've been eating for all of the wrong reasons. I have been super stressed, and I think my depression is back full force. I tried to battle it on my own but I can't. I am back on meds and I will try taking them at night so that I am not zombie like, hopefully. I have always wanted to be a mom, and it's killing me that I can not be the mom that I had pictured in my head. Kind, caring and patient. I show arianna so much love during the day but I feel like I am lacking in patience.
I am working on correcting the things in my life that need fixing, and being the best person that I can be. I need to lose this weight for me and for Arianna.
I always binge when I am feeling like this, and I had planned on buying some cake or pastry at the gas station today, and eating it in the car on the way home without anyone knowing. when I was in there, I looked at all of the muffins and carrot cake and squares and I left with none. I am proud of myself for that small victory, and I hope in the days to come there are many more.
I am back on track tomorrow.
20 Years of Grief
6 hours ago